Today as I was reading blogs, I decided to click on another blogger who had ‘liked’ the poem I just finished reading, by doing so, I came across an interesting post, Like, Comment, Follow in which the author, Boomie, talks about support, feedback, and constructive criticism from others or the lack thereof, and to remember the true reason why we show up to write. I couldn’t have came across this post at a better time (I’ll discuss in detail in a moment). Zen teachings have taught me the importance of not swaying with the wind, meaning, don’t allow either praise nor criticism drive you, because then you will develop the need for approval. Sure, an applause feels good, but what about when there isn’t one (validation: a post for a later date)…. all anyone can do is just show up to write, you may love what I have to say, or it may make no sense to you at all ‘what the heck is she writing about?!?’ My significant other ‘likes’ my posts the moment I update my facebook status…yet, he doesn’t read my blogs…does that matter to me? Not really, actually it makes perfect sense to me that he’s opted not to.
Sometimes I don’t even think it’s humility that I practice, as I really cannot even accept a compliment…if someone tells me my hair looks nice, I downplay it with, ‘It didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.’ I usually find a way to run from any type of appreciation, unless it’s in writing, such as an email or facebook message etc, in which I could acknowledge it from afar, and then I don’t tell a soul as if I was just told an intimate secret. Just hours after reading Boomie’s blog, a good friend of mine, Vivid Mirror, told me how she faced a situation just earlier today from someone who follows her facebook page, she was also at a loss for words…which now makes this a synchronicity (might I add her nickname is Boom!!), and so I must pay attention and take note… I’ve been adored, I’ve been degraded…maybe along the way I became numb to either or.
When you leave such profound compliments on my page, I freeze up..I don’t know what to say at times. Sometimes, all I know to say is thank you..and then I beat myself up for not being able to express my gratitude that you’re okay with who I am and my expressions. And when I’m passing through your blogs, I may just hit the like button, or facebook press your post, just to let you know that even though I don’t have any words at the time, I am listening, and I’m connecting with your post, I am healing as well. This blogging experience has opened me up to my underlying weaknesses, and for that I am grateful.
Related articles
- Like, Coment, Follow (boomiebol.wordpress.com)
- How To Handle Negative Feedback (personalbrandingblog.com)
- How to Survive in a Blogging World (specialspice.wordpress.com)
- Blogging Productivity Tips, Part 8: End Perfectionism (blogelina.com)
- From Social Media to Blogging (siegmom29.wordpress.com)
- Giving Constructive Criticism (dodgingcommas.wordpress.com)
- Rules For Guest Blogging (connectedworldmedia.com)
In the interest of laying neither praise nor criticism on you, knowing they are essentially the same according to the teachings from a Shaman I trained with (and your article reminds me to rethink my overt praise lately), I will thank you for writing with such honesty and wit. I am eager to follow and see what you will share next!
Perhaps your “significant other” knows your thoughts so he does not need to read those thoughts in a blog.
Alex, that is very kind of you to suggest…I have really been back and forth with dedicating a blog to my relationship, I want to make sure that I show the relationship from his point of view also, as the #7 (me) in numerology are the least marital type.
Very insightful blog with great links. Thank you.
Thank you for reading!
Well written Shantelle. I was talking to a friend, one of the very supportive ones and she asked how i manage to write the way I do knowing some of the responsiblities I have; I said i think this is bigger than me, its what God wants me to do and though i am not good at it, i try…she stopped me and asked why i put myself down so much…i told her i do it before anyone else can…silly isn’t it but true sadly. I wrote a something yesterday…from my heart and cried as i did…i didnt edit it or anything but i have been to timid to post it, i dont want anyone to think of me as weak or pitiful.
We all write for various reasons…some of us are great at it, some of us are not… but we still must keep doing it because sometimes the power of our craft can inspire another or connect to someone on a level we never thought.
Glad you enjoyed my post and thanks for mentioning me in this intelligent post. Have lovely wednesday, stay well
. Hugs
Wow Boomie, I’m so glad you shared that! I too have poems that were created when my tears turned into keystrokes, which I have yet to reveal..out of fear for the most part. You have such amazing insight, you just broadened my persepective (which is why I love this place)! Have a blessed day!!
Andrea “Jeff, have you read my last blog post?”
xx
Jeff “Yes”
Andrea “What did you think?”
Jeff “Yeah, it was good”
Andrea “What was it about?”
Jeff “Which one?”
Andrea “You haven’t read it have you?”
Jeff “Errrrr…………yeah”
Hehehehehe!
Haha!!
Me: facebook messages him the link to my most personal article “Dear departed”
Him: thank you for sending me that link, I love you!!!
Me:…long pause…oh…oh ok, you’re welcome, I love you too sweetie!!
End of Discussion
[ Laughs ] I see that you have touched on the topic of blogging; nice post!
Keep up the good work. I would be visiting your blog regularly!
Haha!! I was compelled to go there, as this blogging experience have opened up my world! Friday is my one month anniversary!! thanks for your support!
[ Giggles ] You are welcome, Shantelle.
I would love to get to that Zen balanced state of being at peace with praise and criticism, where neither affects me and my work. To be honest with myself, I enjoy praise and wish I could get it all the time especially for those posts I am really proud of but I continue onward with or without the attention because I feel like the words I share are beyond my ego. And yes, the Leo in me wishes to have all the attention but the higher me knows I’m doing the right thing with or without an audience because best believe, someone is always reading.
My friend that I tagged in the post is a stereotypical Leo, so I understand the relation in regards to loving the spotlight. Leo’s are ruled by the sun so they love to shine, nothing wrong with that as long as one doesn’t rely on it to validate their worth, success, etc…the ego is never satisfied, secure or content. I have read your posts, and visited your facebook page which shows you are doing what you are called to do, someone will always be reading.
“ego is never satisfied, secure or content.” You got that damn right! lol And thanks for visiting my blog and facebook page.
This entry is quite honest and faithful to who you are as a person…it took courage to put it out there. I find a simple, “thank you,” has become sufficient for me in responding to blogs…as you seem to imply, you are overwhelmed with the response someone gives you…so am I …my emotions overwhelm me that someone actually took the time to read me…i feel expressing my gratitude is the only thing that can pour forth from my being without going into a dissertation! May I also venture to say, that perhaps we both need to welcome the gift that we have to write and then perhaps acknowledging it would be a grace.
Jane, thank you so much for your response. My true self is usually looked down upon by the masses, so to encounter such approval was indeed overwhelming, and still takes getting used to. You are right, I will now affirm my intention to accept the gifts. thank you again!
Shantell, I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award:
http://frankoshanko.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/the-versatile-blogger-award/
Happy Saturday! ( :
Oops – I mean Shantelle!
Thank you so much for the nomination!! I had a wonderful weekend, I hope you did as well!!
Beautifully written Shantelle
thank you Jas!
Just say thank you when someone gives you a compliment. To downplay it insults their intelligence that they can’t see what you see and that you are really not worthy of the compliment. When you can take compliments as well as critiques with aplomb and without defense then you will have achieved balance and harmony
thank you for your insight!
What an intimate reflection on the practice of receiving feedback. It is tempting, isn’t it, to fall into the egoic trap of requiring validation from praise? And, yet, one of the things that I personally find really rewarding about this particular form of writing is the sense of community and mutual support that it can offer. When other magnificent writers comment to say, “that deep down secret that you’ve been holding onto for years and have just publicized in your reflections about it–I’ve felt it, too, deep down for years.”
So, today, I find myself saying to you that I have struggled for so many years on how to receive the praise and criticism of others. I hear you, sister, and am grateful for your message, your perspective, and your struggle. I offer in exchange this humble comment and my deepest wishes for inner peace. Blessings and love, Angela
Angela,
Thank you so much for such an ingenuous reply. I read an interesting article from Jeff Goins yesterday, (I will post the link with commentary sometime this weekend) his site is amongst the Top 10 blogs for writers. He warned that when we show up to write for the praise from our audience and not for ourselves that it is time to take a break from blogging and return to our personal journal to regain our authentic voice.
Brilliant post – in Buddhism praise and blame are part of the worldly winds that blow us around – hopefully if we can still ourselves enough they will blow around us
Don’t worry about not leaving comments – there are so many blogs and only so many hours we have to visit them. I tend to comment on the ones that have struck a chord and like the ones I like and love
It can become like a part time job trying to keep up with all the blogs I follow! I’m sure we are all in the same boat 
Haha, so true, keeping up with everyone’s blogs can be overwhelming, I decided that once a week, I will go down the list of those that I follow just to catch up, the more blogs I follow, the less I write..I must find more time to allocate here as I love both reading and contributing.
Snap – that is exactly how I am trying to keep up too! I also found I was spending more time reading than writing
I need to give up work!! Haha
Hi, Shantelle. Thank you for sharing such important pieces of yourself with us.
You said: “This blogging experience has opened me up to my underlying weaknesses, and for that I am grateful.” I hope that over time you’ll also begin to become more open to the greatness and goodness within you. I hope you’ll let it sink in and envelope you until you have no choice but to surrender to it as you learn a lot more of the many gifts you have to offer to the world!
Russ
Russ,
Thank you for such kind affirmations, I am looking forward to learning more about the gifts I have yet to give, for I know it is very well inside of me, awaiting my awareness. Thank you.
Awesome post!
Renee
Thank you Renee!!
YOU are most welcome.
Renee