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Today as I was reading blogs, I decided to click on another blogger who had ‘liked’ the poem I just finished reading, by doing so, I came across an interesting post, Like, Comment, Follow in which the author, Boomie, talks about support, feedback, and constructive criticism from others or the lack thereof, and to remember the true reason why we show up to write. I couldn’t have came across this post at a better time (I’ll discuss in detail in a moment). Zen teachings have taught me the importance of not swaying with the wind, meaning, don’t allow either praise nor criticism drive you, because then you will develop the need for approval. Sure, an applause feels good, but what about when there isn’t one (validation: a post for a later date)…. all anyone can do is just show up to write, you may love what I have to say, or it may make no sense to you at all ‘what the heck is she writing about?!?’ My significant other ‘likes’ my posts the moment I update my facebook status…yet, he doesn’t read my blogs…does that matter to me? Not really, actually it makes perfect sense to me that he’s opted not to.

Sometimes I don’t even think it’s humility that I practice, as I really cannot even accept a compliment…if someone tells me my hair looks nice, I downplay it with, ‘It didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.’ I usually find a way to run from any type of appreciation, unless it’s in writing, such as an email or facebook message etc, in which I could acknowledge it from afar, and then I don’t tell a soul as if I was just told an intimate secret. Just hours after reading Boomie’s blog, a good friend of mine, Vivid Mirror, told me how she faced a situation just earlier today from someone who follows her facebook page, she was also at a loss for words…which now makes this a synchronicity (might I add her nickname is Boom!!), and so I must pay attention and take note… I’ve been adored, I’ve been degraded…maybe along the way I became numb to either or.

When you leave such profound compliments on my page, I freeze up..I don’t know what to say at times. Sometimes, all I know to say is thank you..and then I beat myself up for not being able to express my gratitude that you’re okay with who I am and my expressions. And when I’m passing through your blogs, I may just hit the like button, or facebook press your post, just to let you know that even though I don’t have any words at the time, I am listening, and I’m connecting with your post, I am healing as well. This blogging experience has opened me up to my underlying weaknesses, and for that I am grateful.

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