Tags

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I remember encountering countless storms, in which I would be one of the only few people out and about, risking my life, as I roamed the streets looking for company and entertainment. Restless..I couldn’t sit still with myself..the thought of mother nature forcing me to remain behind a closed door of loneliness made me claustrophobic.

As I sit in reflection during Hurricane Sandy..I think back to the storm of 2010 that changed my life. According to the weather reports, the snow was to start at around 9 PM. I hurried home after work, to pack my bags, for I had planned to stay with this guy I used to see on & off for the past three years…never mind the fact that he didn’t even pretend to be interested in me…or faithfully committed. Yet at the time, I really didn’t love myself. I was unable to realize he only reflected back to me my distorted self perception

A little after 7PM the snow fell, and it began to stick to the ground rather quickly, I had barely got home and hadn’t even began to pack. My intended destination usually took about 30 minutes in route which consisted of neighborhoods, highways, and streets with stop lights…I knew it would be foolish to go considering the road conditions, however, I couldn’t help but to become angry. I felt trapped, I had no where to run to.

Long story short, the next few days indoors literally changed my life. I had no where to go but ‘in’…I discovered parts of me that I had buried in denial. I read, wrote, reflected, meditated..I befriended myself..for the 1st time ever. I immediately entered a period of celibacy from both sex and dating. In the midst of the storm the old me began to die, and by the Spring, it became evident to the people in my life that while they were hibernating, a beautiful transformation had transpired.

After that long bout of celibacy, I finally decided to give this one guy a chance to get to know me better and likewise…he’s now my husband. I will add that, the guy who I spoke of earlier, will always have a place in my heart, I will always love him. I couldn’t have asked for a better soulmate/teacher, for that relationship was the catalyst to the search of a relationship with myself. In Marianne Willamson’s A Return to Love, she explains that when we ask God for an intimate relationship, He may send us relationships that gives us the opportunity to work through the places in ourselves that need to be healed before we’re ready for the deepest intimacy.

And so my advice to whoever is reading: Accept each storm with an open mind…knowing each storm in our life serves a purpose. So in the meantime, turn off the news, or Judge Judy and grab a book, or a board game for the family…take advantage of your immobility! There are so many treasures hidden in the eye of the storm just waiting to be discovered! Yesterday I stood outside, watching the leaves flutter in the sky, like a swarm of butterflies, nature never ceases to amaze me. Even the trees surrendered to the winds…no resistance..just total acceptance, as everything seemed to just let go and enter the flow…teaching us all the true meaning of weathering the storm.

Advertisements